I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
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