so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
