heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
