Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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