thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
