Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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