i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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