Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Someone came in the potted fern
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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