I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
