I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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