He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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