Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
