go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
