even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Randomize
