I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
oh god the rape fog is back!
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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