My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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