I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
please don't ironically join a cult
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