Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
