You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
