i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
im on a boat
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