I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You're like the curious george of whores
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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