ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Just cropdusted the office
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
