There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
