It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
