Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
