apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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