If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
