All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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