guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I have already put on my inside pants.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
