I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
