you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
