dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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