Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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