Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
