Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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