The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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