dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
