take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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