I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize