I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
