so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
