Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
