He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
