i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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