Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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