Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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