cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
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