i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
