She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
