More tranny stories later!
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
the day after is always just damage control
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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