I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
