dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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