it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
