Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
My ass is underappreciated
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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