Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
