Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
