ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
