then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
