She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
