I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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