so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
