I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
