bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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