I didn't shave. On purpose
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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