I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
this will be a night to untag.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
