I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
