omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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